What a difference a couple months can make. Reading back, I realize that on my last blog post I was quite a downer. Sorry, readers. Sometimes you don't realize when you're listing all these issues and bitching about side-effects and complaining about infections and such that it can sound like you're living an overall miserable life. When in reality, I'm not - I'm pretty damn lucky to be alive at all, and comparatively I have it pretty damn good. That being said, I'm not trying to minimize the crap I've gone through - just trying to keep it all in perspective. So, now for the good news: I had an MRI, and there's nothing in my brain except brain and stardust. And, I've been seeing a great neurologist, received a diagnosis of hormonal migraines, and have started taking a new medication and (drumroll-please-knock-on-wood-and-cross-your-fingers) it is BRILLIANT and WORKING and I LOVE IT and it's kicked the ass of my headaches, and I am feeling 100 times better than I was 8 weeks ago. So thanks, Topamax. And for once it's affordable and my insurance is paying for it and it (so far) doesn't have any nasty side effects. Imagine that! A medication that I can afford that does what it's supposed to do without making me bald or menopausal or deathly ill! What will they think of next?! (Side note - I should clarify: I'm actually taking topirimate, which is the generic version - I can't afford to pay for Topamax because it costs $200/month. Thanks, Big Pharma. OH, and another thing, while I'm on this tear - I was prescribed a pain pill, Maxalt, to take when I'm actually in the throes of a migraine, and I went to pick them up and there were 10 little wee pills in the bottle...and it cost me $100. And it cost my insurance plan $400 more. Which means that the pills were $50 apiece. For the treatment of a chronic condition that afflicts millions of people. Am I the only person that thinks this is INSANE??? You know what's worse? Viagra costs less than half that.) But I digress.
I had to slowly build up the dosage of the drug over 6 weeks, starting with a half a teeny pill at bedtime, then a whole pill, then a half in the am too, etc. I'm still only on 50 mg/day, and my doc said that some people take up 600 mg a day to get results! Wowza. Glad I don't need that much. At any rate, I slooowly started to add back in the good stuff - bread, cereal, honey, a couple sips of wine here and there, and finally, at long last - I ate an apple. You can't imagine how good this feels unless you've ever gone three months without eating a piece of freaking fruit. I still haven't braved an orange, but I eat apples, bananas, and prunes (stop snickering - I'm in menopause, people) like a champ now. I've also added back in a half-glass of wine on occasion, things with small amounts of sugar IN them like yogurts, cereals, granola bars, etc, and sugar-free treats like frozen-yogurts, "sugar-free" candy, etc. I have tried to eat actual sugar/chocolate, and sometimes it's fine and sometimes it isn't. It is the one thing that still seems to trigger a headache, so I don't push it.
Interestingly enough, Topamax can also be used to control alcohol and drug dependencies, which means it curbs cravings, so my DESIRE for sugar and wine has actually gotten less, which I find to be a fantastic side-effect. They cause headaches when I'm not taking meds, and they're terrible for me anyway, and I can take a drug that stops the headaches and makes me not want them as much?! AND, incidentally, also generally lessens the urge I have to eat everything in sight, actually helping me LOSE the weight that all the other drugs make me gain?! Brilliant!
I cannot tell you how happy it makes me to go to bed at night and not feel the gnawing worry that I will awake in pain. I can't tell you how much I enjoy eating my Fujis and Honeycrisps. And that occasional glass of Malbec is oh-so delicious, and I appreciate it oh-so much more now that it is so hard-earned and mindfully consumed. For that matter, I appreciate everything so much more now...but that's fodder for another post. At the moment, there's an apple calling my name.
I had to slowly build up the dosage of the drug over 6 weeks, starting with a half a teeny pill at bedtime, then a whole pill, then a half in the am too, etc. I'm still only on 50 mg/day, and my doc said that some people take up 600 mg a day to get results! Wowza. Glad I don't need that much. At any rate, I slooowly started to add back in the good stuff - bread, cereal, honey, a couple sips of wine here and there, and finally, at long last - I ate an apple. You can't imagine how good this feels unless you've ever gone three months without eating a piece of freaking fruit. I still haven't braved an orange, but I eat apples, bananas, and prunes (stop snickering - I'm in menopause, people) like a champ now. I've also added back in a half-glass of wine on occasion, things with small amounts of sugar IN them like yogurts, cereals, granola bars, etc, and sugar-free treats like frozen-yogurts, "sugar-free" candy, etc. I have tried to eat actual sugar/chocolate, and sometimes it's fine and sometimes it isn't. It is the one thing that still seems to trigger a headache, so I don't push it.
Interestingly enough, Topamax can also be used to control alcohol and drug dependencies, which means it curbs cravings, so my DESIRE for sugar and wine has actually gotten less, which I find to be a fantastic side-effect. They cause headaches when I'm not taking meds, and they're terrible for me anyway, and I can take a drug that stops the headaches and makes me not want them as much?! AND, incidentally, also generally lessens the urge I have to eat everything in sight, actually helping me LOSE the weight that all the other drugs make me gain?! Brilliant!
I cannot tell you how happy it makes me to go to bed at night and not feel the gnawing worry that I will awake in pain. I can't tell you how much I enjoy eating my Fujis and Honeycrisps. And that occasional glass of Malbec is oh-so delicious, and I appreciate it oh-so much more now that it is so hard-earned and mindfully consumed. For that matter, I appreciate everything so much more now...but that's fodder for another post. At the moment, there's an apple calling my name.